As expected, ‘New Moon’ gets your daughter’s allowance
I hear Edward is so dreamy...
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“I am Woman, Hear me Roar!
In numbers too big to ignore.”
– Helen Reddy
“New Moon,” the sequel to the chick flick “Twilight,” made $140.7 million this weekend. That places it third behind “The Dark Knight” and “Spider-Man 3” on the highest-earning films for an opening weekend on the domestic charts.
For a female-driven entertainment property to draw such a turnout is history-making. The opening weekend total for the original “Twilight” was $69.7 million. For a sappy chick flick to top the opening weekend draw from any of the “Star Wars” movies is just… Well, it just makes me wonder what this world is coming to. I guess that handsome scoundrel Han Solo can’t compete against some dreamy, pale emo boy.
Yes, I was at the movies Saturday, but I took my daughter to see “Planet 51” even though I would have preferred to watch the planet demolished on “2012.” My kid and I waited on my wife and mother-in-law to exit “New Moon,” and we watched dozens of teenage girls and middle-aged moms flow out of that showing with that flushed look that said, “Why can’t my boy/man make me feel this way at home?”
ABC noted that “New Moon” contains only four kisses and not a single sex scene. LAME… I’m more of a “True Blood” sex ‘em and slay ‘em kind of vampire fan. How typically female that chicks dig a movie that’s all talk and no action, eh?
Some 20% of the audience watching “New Moon” was male. Poor fellas having to cringe every time “Team Edward” or “Team Jacob” screamed in that eardrum-piercing pitch over some buffed up pool-boy taking off his shirt. And to think, whenever we guys lust over Megan Fox on the silver screen, our wives and girlfriends call her a slut and act like we are the lowest form of scum for finding her hot. I’m for equal opportunity eye-candy without the hypocrisy, so scream away all you want, ladies. I’m in favor of whatever gets my wife horny, period.
A football movie, albeit one with Sandra Bullock, took second-place at the box office. “The Blind Side” cleared an estimated $34.5 million for second place. The film, strangely enough, reportedly had a 59 percent audience makeup of women. Go figure… I guess this was the weekend when chicks across the country blew the family’s savings account on cineplex buttered popcorn and sugary sentimentality.
Last week’s top movie, “2012,” only dropped 59 percent in its second week, taking in $26.5 million for third place. “Planet 51″ opened at $12.6 million for fourth place, considered a big disappointment. At fifth place, Disney’s “A Christmas Carol” pulled in $12.2 million. The only new release unquestionably directed primarily at men, Nic Cage’s “Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans,” only played in 27 theaters but made a decent $9,519 per theater average.
It’s okay, brothers. If Hollywood abandons you in favor of stuff to entertain your wife and daughter, MavTV is still here for ya! You’d rather sit in your recliner with a beer in your hand anyway.